Despite the valiant efforts of media publications (see The Cut or the Atlantic's Instagram account), nothing truly prepares you for the politics of being a person. How do I navigate polarizing opinions with coworkers? What is the proper code of conduct for seeing an ex at a wedding? What kind of relationship should I have with my parents as an adult? How coy or forward must you be on Bumble? How much of myself do I give away in the name of earnestness? And at what point should I be worried that I've spent too much time alone — and often sought it out?
All of us, at some point, must deploy different aspects of ourselves to meet the circumstance. And this year, I've definitely had my work cut out for me. I'm grateful for all the moments of discomfort and hand-wringing that I've had to deal with this year. New relationships and experiences have germinated the beginnings of, what I hope, will become a new evolution of myself — one where I have a deeper, if not clearer, understanding of how to navigate my world as it stands. It's funny to see how these annual lists have evolved over the years. I've been making them since 2016. Seven years later, and the low self esteem, general anxiety and ennui of my early twenties has lessened greatly. Death feels imminent, now more than ever. I am equally and simultaneously self-assured but unmoored. I feel a bit stagnant but I've been physically itinerant. In the way that a fever is not an illness but a symptom, I'm sure a lot of these feelings are indicators that I'm developing a life that is whole. So, I bid adieu to 2023, not with resignation as I did the year prior, but with much gratitude in my heart that I have and will continue to stumble and get back up.
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